the cute traveler

I am Bulimic

Many problems have its own history its start into tiny things and become huge without knowing it. I have bulimia and it’s not fun. When I was a kid about 8 years old I have a horrible nasty habit; I eat a lot of delicious food and try to let the food out of my stomach and chew it again, I live in the province which many times we eat vegetables and dry fish and most of the time just rice, so whenever there is occasion like weddings and birthday party; I eat a lot and after few hours I try to vomit, a soon as the food gets into my mouth I swallow it again and enjoy it’s taste. I am not aware of getting sick and I don’t even know its nasty and it make me ell in the future all I know is that I am enjoying of what I do. In high school my bad eating habit is still satisfy me and no one know that everytime I eat tasty food I have my way enjoy it.

I was 11 and I loss confident and my self-esteem is very low, whenever people make fun of me because of my height, I eat a lot; as my coping mechanism and still doing my bad habit until I became physical conscious, I am not satisfy with my appearance and I always try to be somebody else. I spend hours in the mirror and I spend lots of money for facial cleanser. I want to have fair skin and get taller. I still remember everytime I saw a good looking guy I can’t stop admiring them not because I turn to be gay but I want to have what they have and that’s a beauty which many people admire. Before judging me there is reason why I am into good looking guys, that’s because I want attention and I want to feel important like my cousin who always get all attention from any of my family. And I am tired of being just in the corner. 15 years old when I start to have crush with my opposite sex I feel nasty with myself having bad eating habit, whenever I saw dogs eating their vomit it makes me remind of my secret horrible way of enjoying good meals so I try to stop but still fighting over it.

I want to have abs and look good like my celebrity idols that has sexy body, I am afraid to get fat so now the new bad habit is born and that’s what they called bulimia. I don’t know about bulimia all I know is that I am afraid to be rejected. No one help me and I am afraid to tell it to any one, I feel so ashamed to talk about it and so guilty to think about it. I only knew I have bulimia when I read article in the internet about eating disorder I was terrified but yet I still doing it whenever I feel so guilty after eating too much. there are times I feel so depress but I can’t figure out why I am so depressed, I know have a problem but I don’t know what to do. I am like someone who is in the prisons that try to get out; its worse to have something who never let go of you and you have to fight for the rest of your life. I think being bulimic is not just one problem, there are many problems that involve like insecurity, not satisfy of what you have. Try to be somebody else and many more. It’s a problem that need a special medicine and need a friend to show you how to control. I think there is no medicine of having psychological problem but there is a way how to control it.

I know there are many young people experience what I been through and I am not alone, if you have problems like mine its better that you have to seek help. when you purging try to let the food out of your stomach after eating meals for no good reason and have it empty; I think you have a problem like mine and you got to stop it or else you make it as habit that you will regret the rest of your life. Besides being bulimic is not an answer of losing weight. Bulimic can kill you and destroy your oesophagus and you will also have sort of problems like heart and kidney problem.

Bulimic don’t make you look good it makes you more depressed.

I love to cook and that’s the problem in my part. God gave me talent in cooking and it’s crazy because I have to taste it, I get a little bite and again my tongue wants more and again more and then I forget that my stomach is full until my brain told me I have to go to the comport room then in there I vomit and sometimes make it empty and I eat again. After I eat I feel guilty and start to hate myself and sometimes I feel like I am the only one got this problem that I am crazy. Sometimes when I see myself in the mirror and my stomach look flat I am so happy but I am afraid to get sick then you again eat and gain weight. I more depressed than look fit. I should enjoy and be satisfy rather than struggling and fighting with food.

I am now free

The more you aware of bulimic and know more about this horror is a help. Now I can say I am happy less struggling with food and now I know how to control and fight for bulimia. I don’t say I am totally free but I know how to control my mind and make a coping mechanism that instead eating too much food with a huge contain of calorie I eat more vegetable and fruits and lots of water instead. It steps by step procedures that for sure lead me to recovery. Now what I do when I eat too much I just think what worse can happen to me when I don’t stop throwing up after I eat. I also watch the food I eat and exercise more as possible and think positive. But before that I accept myself of who I am and get confident from people I love. I believe that all of us born with a purpose and that we are special no matter what we are. I also put in mind that we are responsible on what we do and did that all bad things we make in our self we also regret it in the future. It’s really hard to be free from bulimia but I don’t cry for it anymore because I make it as lesson.

Tips on how to get rid of bulimia and tricks to win

1. You need to accept who you are and take insecurity out of you and be yourself. Think positive and believe in yourself, I know insecurity is another issue that you need to work with but when you cast insecurity out of you then you will be successful in dealing bulimia.

2. You make sure if you are truly hunger or you just thirsty; sometimes we being tricked with our mind, we think we still hungry but the truth is we are just thirsty. Our minds play with our stomachs and senses. When we see food we feel that we need to eat even we are not hungry and then our brain control us instead we control our brain. In that matters try to discipline you ask yourself.

a. Do I need to eat again

b. Do I need to stay away with food

c. Do I have to drink lots of water so I don’t feel hungry anymore

This question doesn’t help you at all because whatever you do your brain will not stop controlling you if you don’t control him. What you need to do is try to admire the food you like and tell yourself you’re full and don’t need any more food.

3. Learn about calories and get information about healthy diets, the more information you know the more ideas you will apply to stay fit without throwing up after eating. When you eat drink water first and don’t eat too much carbohydrate and fatty foods. Learn a proper diet, what I do is that I teach myself to eat less rice and eat a little sweet like candy and eat a lot of fruits and vegetable and exercise. I know it’s hard to exercise specially when you are alone but walking instead of taking a jeepney is a big help. do not make yourself lazy the more you work the more you forget to think of food

4. Do not afraid to tell that you have bulimia to people you can trust, don’t feel pity on yourself. Be open in critics, what I did is I told my Family and those who love me that I suffer bulimia and even some of them don’t care at least I being honest and it’s a relief that you never have secret anymore; just like telling anyone that you are not a virgin. The more open you are the more opportunity for you to discover what real world is and it help you build confidence and self steam.

5. Do not use food as medicine for your depression and do not treat yourself with food whenever you have accomplishment. Do not punish yourself with drinking beer or eat ice cream in times of trouble rather love yourself in a good way and don’t care what people say.

Being bulimic is not easy to control when you don’t help yourself. No matter what you learn from blogs or what you do to stop it, when you stubborn and still being control of bulimia you will never be successful in your battle. That’s why you should heal your inner self firs try to accept your real you and ready to face the real world then you are ready to fight bulimia and be successful. Make a real serious decision and you will get there.

My coping mechanism

When I feel lonely – I take a walk or watch movie

When I see people starring at me – I think that they like me or they see something unique in me

When I heard them laugh at me – I don’t care what they say because they don’t know me and I know myself better than them

When I see lots of food in table – I always put in my mind that I only eat just right not much, I usually drink plenty of fluids before I eat.

When I feel like a want to vomit – automatically think those side effects of bulimia and the worse is guilt.

When I feel I am ugly after looking at those sexy people – I always think that every one of us is unique and beautiful

if you read this post and if you suffer from bulimia. send me message in my yahoo mail. mr_jl@ymail.com maybe we can help each other